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The Weekly Winning Thought

What Does Your Behavior Have to do With Your Intentions?

By December 1, 2022No Comments

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw,” I said “Not today”
“I got a lot to do,” he said, “That’s ok”

 – Harry and Sandy Chapin

I once heard a couple of management experts discussing some of the major obstacles that get in the way of effective leadership. They both concluded that the primary culprit of leadership ineffectiveness is the application of a double standard, specifically the incongruity between what is said by the leader and their actual behavior. Management guru Steven Covey summed it up this way: “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior.” Do as I tell you, not as I do.

I’ve worked with a lot of leaders, good ones – those whose behavior reflected their stated intentions – and not-so-good ones – those whose behavior was contrary to their declared intentions. The not-so-good leaders weren’t bad people, they just lost their influence because their intentions didn’t come to fruition, negating their effectiveness.

We don’t all have to be big-time leaders to negate our effectiveness. We join a health club with the intention of adopting an exercise program that will take us to better health and a smaller waistline. Six months later we’re paying monthly dues, yet we haven’t set foot in the gym in five months. We dare not cancel our membership, because after all, we intend to go back any day now. Likewise, we intend to pursue a kingdom-building activity to which we feel called, then get sidetracked by the kingdoms we’re building.

Yes, we do judge ourselves by our intentions, and others judge us by our behavior. And we get angry when they do so. We know we’re going to get around to it, but not right now. If not now, when? If not now, why? When we let our intentions be known, our behavior either validates what we believe or makes us a liar.

But what about the internal struggle we have when we haven’t made our intentions known to others? We still struggle, albeit behind the scenes. We struggle with God’s calling and our inertia, but not alone. The Psalmist said it well: “You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar (Ps 139:2).” God is right there to help us with our struggle if we’ll let Him.

Jesus said you can’t fake it: “The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being (MSG Lk 12:34).”  We can talk about our intentions all day long, but our behavior – what we actually do – demonstrates what we treasure and believe.

The song “Cat’s in the Cradle” was written by Harry Chapin and his wife Sandy, and topped the Billboard chart at the #1 position in December of 1974. Sandy said the idea was inspired by her awkward relationship with her first husband who struggled with balancing work with family. Harry said it was also inspired by the fact that he wasn’t home when his son Josh was born just two years earlier. I believe the reason it was such a popular song is that it chronicles the conflict we all have between our intentions and our behavior; the things we want to do and know we should do, but somehow never get around to doing.

Most of our intentions are within our control, with one exception; the time in which we have to make good on them. On a poignant side note, I’m sure Harry Chapin intended to live a long life. Unfortunately, he died in an automobile accident at the young age of 38, when Josh was only 9 years old. We don’t know how much time we have, but we do know that we have the present – the here, the right now.

What’s on your “to-do” list? To what is God calling you that requires some effort and commitment on your part, that once engaged in, will align your behavior with your intent? The Bible gives us great guidance about making the best use of our time (Eph 5:16) and how we should plan (Pr 16:9) with the days we have left (Ps 90:12). What will you and I do with our present – the time we have right now?

I’ll leave you with these words from Chapin’s song…

When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

Prayer: Lord, help us to act on our intentions so that behavior does not convict us of lying.

Play to win this week in the game that really counts!

Are you a business owner, executive, or other professional looking to grow your business and improve your life? If so, see how Bill and his firm might be able to help you: Northstar Leadership