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The Weekly Winning Thought

Don’t Let Shame Disqualify You

By October 25, 2020December 1st, 2022No Comments

“Shame is a soul eating emotion.”

-Dr. Carl Jung

I met 36-year-old Richard (not his real name) in 2016 when he reached out to me for some executive coaching. As for his executive duties at work, he had realized that he was operating in a vacuum; no help from above and no help from the outside. Though adequately competent for the position he held, he was overwhelmed by and underequipped for the tasks at hand. If he didn’t take some action quickly, he would soon hit the rocks professionally.

As Richard and I unpacked his challenges, it became apparent to me that he was suffering from one of the most debilitating saboteurs of men and women worldwide – shame. Shame is the painful feeling we get after we’ve done something dishonorable, ridiculous, or embarrassing.

Shame should not be confused with guilt. Dr. Dan DeWitt illustrates this well in a recent article published in The Gospel Coalition: “Though Guilt and Shame are twins, born in the garden, only moments apart, they aren’t identical. Guilt is usually tied to an event: I did something bad. Shame is tied to a person: I am bad. Guilt is the wound. Shame is the scar. When you violate God’s laws you feel guilt. But that emotion is quickly, nearly simultaneously, joined by shame.”

Guilt says you made a mistake. Shame says you are a mistake.

Here’s one of the ways Richard was living in shame. Back in 2014, he went to his physician and was diagnosed with diabetes. Medication was prescribed, which Richard began taking immediately. A month or so later he was taking his medication sporadically, missing a day here and there until he quit taking his medication altogether after three months. When he shared this with me in 2016, he also mentioned that his greatest fear was that he was going to drop dead of a heart attack, leaving his children fatherless and his wife financially destitute.

He had good reason to be concerned. He is 5’10”, and at the time we met, weighed 345 pounds. Heart disease runs in his family. He knew he should be on his medication, and he knew he should be controlling his diet. But knowing wasn’t enough. I suggested he go back to his doctor. He said he couldn’t because he was too embarrassed to face her; too embarrassed to admit his failure in not sticking with his prescribed medication.

Shame, that’s what kept Richard wallowing in his fear as he listened to the voice of the enemy convict him of his unworthiness. Guilt convinced Richard to go see his physician in the first place. Shame kept him from going back when he needed to.

Shame is a predator that stalks us like a hungry lion. Once it sinks its jaws into our being, a metamorphosis occurs, turning shame into a leech that sucks the lifeblood from our self-worth until it discards us into the trash pile of mediocrity and obscurity.

How many of us are standing in the shadows of shame, when all the while, God created us to live in the light of His grace? As believers in Jesus Christ, we don’t have to live in shame. The Bible tells us, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 Jn 1:9).” And there is now “no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death (Rm 8:1-2).” People who have been cleansed of their unrighteousness, are no longer condemned and have been set free. They need not live in shame.

In his book, “The Purpose Driven Life,” Rick Warren reminds us of what these Bible personalities would not have become, had they chosen to live in their shame instead of God’s grace: “Jacob was insecure, Leah was unattractive, Joseph was abused, Moses stuttered, Gideon was poor, Samson was codependent, Rahab was immoral, David had an affair and all kinds of family problems, Elijah was suicidal, Jeremiah was depressed, Jonah was reluctant, Naomi was a widow, Peter was impulsive and hot-tempered, Martha worried a lot, the Samaritan woman had several failed marriages, Zacchaeus was unpopular, Thomas had doubts, Paul had poor health, and Timothy was timid.”

What’s your excuse for continuing to live in the shadows of your shame?

Oh yeah, back to Richard. I’m delighted to inform you that he took my suggestion to go back to his doctor and admit his embarrassment. His doctor’s response? She gave him a big hug and said, “That’s ok Richard. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your behavior is all too common. Let’s get you well!”

Today, three years later, Richard has emerged from the all too common darkness of shame and is now living in the light, celebrating his true identity in Christ. He’s lost over 100 pounds, and his physician has taken him off his diabetes medication. And by the way, he’s performing great at work as well.

Are you willing to admit that you’ve been living in the land of shame far too long? Are you brave enough to want to leave? Are you sick and tired enough to take action, to pack your bags, or better still, leave your baggage behind and embrace your true identity? Shame is simply a form of self-imposed disqualification. We need not be overwhelmed, because we are divinely equipped. You may have made a few mistakes, but you are not a mistake. Don’t disqualify yourself … God hasn’t.

Play to win this week in the game that really counts!